Vulnerability

My whole life has been a process of learning to embrace vulnerability. As men, we are socially wired to value strength over weakness. Control over chaos. Rationality over emotions.

My body was so used to run away from public crying, so used to shut off subconsciously any sign of emotional overwhelm. "You're behaving like a robot", "you're giving me nothing", "it sounds like as if you were talking about the weather" was a common response I got during hard breakups.

In emotional situations. My brain would just take full control over my body and like a fucking dictator, he would subconsciously bury all signs of emotion deep down. A protection mechanism.

Yet, a protection mechanism that was flawed from the start. All that emotion under the carpet always emerged, sooner or later, one way or the other, in uglier, trickier, and harder ways.

It was so frustrating, to not be able to really feel at the moment what I knew deep down my heart wanted to say. To rationalize an emotional problem as if it was an algorithm, as something you can solve by pure thought. To let my brain take control over my heart.

Emotions are not rational problems. They can't be solved by thinking. Their DNA isn't logic but the senses. Emotions are sensory experiences. It's your body teaching you, your body talking to you in its very own unique language.

Listen to what he has to say about you.